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for the last time this year...

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"Rawr! I, Shark!" This image just seems the beginning of an extremely awkward conversation.

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*yawn*

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A lot of people ask me where I get my pictures, and most people are under the impression I have this magic forest of oddities stored away int he recess of my computer.

Unbeknownst to most of you, for every interesting, funny, and gloriously offensive thing I've found, there are countless horrors that cannot be unseen. Indeed, many of these I believe are placed across the recesses of the information super highway by people trying to break my brain.

To give you one of the more tame things I've had to endure, I give you...penis slugs (oh yes, and beware the explicit nature to all lose young, fragile minds out there. I take that back, if your mind is young and fragile, then by all means, forge on)...This is not safe for work, parents, or indeed anyone with an decency at all ;)

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I am, in fact, alive. Terrorists suicide bombed the internet at the office. They have been disposed of accordingly. So now, I present to you, courtesy of Trixie Bedlam via Warren Ellis, my return.

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"Edna, I'll be with you soon!"

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Green Day = <3

As if on cue whenever things conglomerated and take a turn for the shitty, Green Day is there, as they strangely have been throughout my entire life (perhaps a post on that one day soon).

For now, all that needs to be said is that I was in a particularly miserable mood..when I got wind of a new Green Day secret side-project.

They're called Foxouro Hot Tubs. It's got this great 60's garage rock twist to it. So far I'm loving the hell out of it.And the sound is sensationally fun.

Apparently, they will be releasing a six song EP online for free very shortly. Three of the tracks are streaming on their MySpace page...which I have, of course..ripped ;)

I will be sharing of course. Just contact me or grab my SlSk screenname from me.

Ah, to have a reason to smile.

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"Okay, boys! Ivans got us surrounded on all sides. This is like training camp. You get cornered...go for the testicles. Captain, out! Woof!"

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Occasionally, I come across things that are not funny, offensive, or particularly strange. This is just neat. So I thought I'd share. And by share, I mean force this upon your tear-stained face. (insert pleasant smile here)

The (Sort Of) Return of the Weekly Wank

I know. I know. It's been two weeks...and it's not Friday. I've been busy. And my mind's a bit frazzled. I don't tend to write very well critically when my mind's frazzled. BUT, I did tell someone I'd pop a music entry out soon, so this is my half-hearted and certainly half-assed attempt. So, there you go. Half opinions and shit writing. Be merry.

"Miseria Cantare - The Beginning" by AFI

This introductory track to AFI's Sing the Sorrow is one of my favorite intro tracks of any album, primarily due to its atmosphere. It's got a steady build up, but doesn't blow it's wad too early. However, with any newer AFI material, if you're not the slightest bit interested in stuff the theatric (well...melodramatic)/epic dark fantasy air, you're not going to be into it.

AFI's biggest problem (for me) has always been their lyrics, especially those after the A Fire Inside EP. Not that they don't come out up with cool phrases or fun imagery, but, by and large, they're complete and utter nonsense half the time. Now the lyrics in "Miseria Cantare" aren't too bad. A little on the cliche goth side, but fun all the same. I mean, I know heartbreak can be a vile thing, but sometimes they can lay it on a little too thick to the point where it's just silly.

Still, though I sound a little hard on the band, the track is an excellent first track. Set the pace for the album nicely and if you're looking for a nice swift way to introducing someone to AFI, it's not a bad choice.

2. "Liberi Fatali" by Nobuo Uematsu
This is a orchestral (or "classical") music piece composed for the Playstation game, Final Fantasty VIII. For me, while I like instrumental tracks, there are very few that really stay with me. FF VIII has one of my favorite stories of any medium and additionally features some of the best music in the entire series, and perhaps video games period.

It's vibrant, epic, and alive. Uematsu created the perfect fantasy song that perfectly captures the scale of the game. The choir singing in Latin adds an ominous and vaguely creeping sense of doom to the song.

There isn't much to say (or perhaps it's just laziness) here other than this is an amazing little song and is evidence that wordless music can still deliver an impact.

3. "The Teen Wizards" by Tsar

Tsar's one of those power pop bands that has the distinct sound only bands from Los Angeles or bands trying desperately to act like they're from Los Angeles have. Most of the latter fail at this shamefully. This mixture of guitar crunched power pop with hints of glam and Cheap Trick-inspired rock blends together for some of the catchiest garage rock you're likely to find. And lucky for the band, they have a way about them that's pure fun. So they're catchy enough for the inevitable horde of girls to flock to them, but irresistibly fun and not douchey so that anyone else brought along with have a great time.

This particular song starts off with a just vocals and piano, giving the indication that a slow ballad may be in store for the listener. But then the drums kick in and the song bursts into this ridiculously infectious pop song.

Tsar's one of the most successful power pop bands out there (musically, not commercially) because they don't forget the nature of their sound. They're fun. Plain and simple. As the Midtown song goes "It's just rock n' roll" They come from an attitude that not everything has to have a deeper meaning and sometimes you just want to have solid rock music with a distinctly bouncier flavor.

4. "I Tried So Hard To Be Good" by The Paper Chase

You remember the last time a Paper Chase song was on the Weekly Wank? Well, the exactly same words apply. Read that bit, change the album title from Now You Are One of Us to Hide The Kitchen Knives, and you'll have what I'd write for this track.

Still a fucking amazing band.

5. "Walking Contradiction" by Green Day

Ah, Green Day. One of the very few bands whose impact makes me swoon like an 11 year old girl for her first crush. "Walking Contradiction" is one of my favorite tracks off Insomniac and just a personal favorite Green Day track of mine in general.

It's filled with amusing little, well, contrary statements and hypocrisies to this jaunted little melody. It's roughly two minutes and a half minutes long. It's concise, catchy, and doesn't overstay it's welcome with 400 repeats of the chorus. Just good, old fashion pop-punk. No bells or whistles.

Sure, I'm biased. Let's not forget this is one of my favorite bands of all time, but still. what would you rather have, a song that leaves you satisfied and wanting more? Or a song that bludgeons you to death with it's chorus so that you're sick of it before you finish your first spin of the record.

Of course, I could never get sick of Green Day.

This has been a slightly frazzled, effort at brining back the Weekly Wank. I may do a second part (!) this week to make up for lost time. We'll see if I've regained bits of my attention span by then. Hell, I may redo this entry too. Also still have to get unlazy and work on getting those mp3s functional as well. We'll see when and if I get that time.

Until next time...begone.

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Outside

Chuck Norris endorses GOP candidate Mike Huckabee, and searches on the candidate are up 457%.

The Westboro Baptist Church, the inbred hominids behind GodHatesFags and other such products only the lack of education and common sense could provide, have unleashed their own version of the classic song, "We Are The World," entitled "God Hate The World." Sure, this journey into stupidity will cause your brain to explode and wish to take a hacksaw to all of humanity, but hte last twenty seconds are simply pure evil. If you're unable to stomach this exercise of insanity all the way though, skip to the end.

A counterterrorism detective who says his failed drug test came because his wife had spiked his meatballs with marijuana has filed a lawsuit to get his job back.

"Frosty" the snowman has been swiped. The 42-foot-tall inflatable holiday decoration was taken from a tree farm. Officials at Dixon Farms say Frosty, worth about $10,000, was last seen Friday night. So far no arrests.

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Dave Stanworth's Snafu Comics is one of my favorite web comics. Though it features a number of additional webcomics by other artists, the main one (generally about pop culture but focusing in games) remains my favorite.

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Today, I feel like being filthy, so here's to breaking your brain. You can thank Warren Ellis for the assault.

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Apparently, these raisin biscuits are too extreme for girls.

Eat carefully.

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What a legend...

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Assess The Mess

Recently, I've found myself watching a number great or really good films blow it. And in every case that's occurred over the past month, the movie simply falls apart or otherwise blows it at the very end.

TekkonKinkreet, for example. Beautiful anime, touching story. Bullshit ending. I discovered Warren Ellis felt the same. I'll offer his words so..well..I don't have to. "If you can stop watching it after 80 minutes or so, you can walk away knowing you watched something that ranged from pretty good to very beautiful. Watch it to the end and you’ll spend the rest of the night looking for someone to kick the shit out of. Ideally the writer and/or director. The film’s descent into utter bubbling gibberish is quite astonishing. The original manga was never exactly shining literature or anything, but it never stopped partway through and said, “Ah, fuck it, this is how it ends, bang bang, happy ending, I’m going home, bollocks to all of you.” "

Same goes for Beowulf, really. Fucking brilliant animation. There genuinely are moments where it was difficult to discern whether or not the figures where animated or live actors. The poem's story was adapted and reworked because to attempt to faithfully adapting an oral poem that's been retranslated more times than Paris Hilton's given fellatio would be monumentally mad. To want to see said adaptation means I should just put you out of everyone's misery. So, while flawed, Beowulf maintained to be pretty entertaining...until this irritating pretentious ending that pretty much told the viewer to go fuck themselves. I don't know exactly if this was Gaiman (not really his style) or Avary's decision (or either), but there's open ended, leaving it up to the audience and then there's "HAH! Got your 8 bucks!" While I maintain that Beowulf was a good little flick, the praise would have been much higher if the indecisive ending didn't leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Which brings us to Frank Darabont's adaptation of Stephen King's The Mist. I'm a defender of film adaptations. Anyone can tell you that. Even as a fan of the source material, I always understand that the film is a different beast. As a result, I've loved all the Harry Potter films and the like. Hell, despite it blaspheming the original story, I still enjoy Constantine. I heard in advance that the ending to The Mist would be bleaker than the short story, which I thought interesting given that though the story was open-ended, it was fairly bleak.

But holy balls did they ruin a magical fucking movie. Darabont was the perfect choice for director. He treated the material seriously despite it's B-movie story and did not lower himself to pull the MTV music video crap style directing that's been used so much in pieces of trash like Saw and Boogeyman. The camera was a curious eye amidst the confusion and chaos. Tom Jane, who did an excellent job as the everyman, did not all of a sudden become an action hero. He remain just a regular guy trying to get through this catastrophe. As a result, he stumbled, tripped, and lost his nerve like anyone would do.

Each character felt real and unforced in addition to not feeling as if they were cut from a tray of stock characters. And the soundtrack! Expertly used. There was virtually no sound through much of the film, which greatly added tension at all the right moments and further proves that a more reserved approach to scores would make much more effective horror films. Everything came together magically....and then came that fucking ending. Not only is it a bit tacked on, it's fucking cruel. And dark not in the way that movies which don't end happily or well tend to be. Just mean. And to rub salt to the wound, it adds this clearly unintentional yet wholly creepy (not in a good way) vindication of the insane religious rants peppered throughout the film. I truly hope there's an alternate ending on the DVD release. It doesn't ruin the movie,. I'd still recommend it, but it comes close.

Seriously, up until the ending, The Mist was perhaps one of the best horror movies in years.

I'd discuss the iffiness of Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, but it's not really worth it. The movie's extremely cute and at times fun, but the ending is a bit underdone. It definitely inspires you to own your own toy shop. However, the movie isn't written to be anything more than a movie kids can enjoy, so, it doesn't really matter who's underwritten and so on and so forth. It's a turn your brain off and try to enjoy sort of movie. Could have been better, sure, but not a waste.

Last, and surprisingly not least, on the list is The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys. First, why doesn't Kieran Culkin get more parts? He's fucking amazing. I am glad to see Emile Hirsch is getting love these days, especially after his performance in Into the Wild. Fortunately, The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys didn't suffer an ending that ruined the movie, but it was a bit weak. The last scene felt completely tacked on, as if done at the last second before wrapping. The movie is strong enough that it doesn't weaken the whole of the film, but it does make you wish that it either ended with scene directly before or added a bit more closure on what happened with Emile Hirsch and Jena Malone's characters. Still, excellent little movie. And I can't understand why Kieran Culkin isn't a fucking star. Damn shame.

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Truth in advertising?

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Parenting 101

News Bits:

This one takes the cake: The mayor of an Arkansas town resigned on Wednesday, claiming he was abducted and brainwashed by Satan worshippers nearly three decades ago. Better still, there's a video.

Two British adventurers are setting off on a journey across Europe to west Africa in a lorry powered by chocolate.

An Italian teacher has been suspended from school because of her extra-curricular activities as a porn star, local authorities announced Thursday.

This is the world in which you live. You're welcome.

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Hello, Ashleigh

I see you, stalker!

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Finally...the truth, as we always knew it to be...

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Now, I have reason to believe that what we're looking at is not simply wooden posts, painted and carved, but, in fact, the fence to the house of a real life pixie. Shhh. Watch as we observe the pixie in its natural habitat.

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Oh, irony.

The Weekly Wank

Hello there, fellow wankers. As you can see, I did not set up the mp3s from last week, and this week lacks audio as well. I haven't had the time to play with it. Perhaps next week. Additionally, the writing effort this week isn't exactly top notch.

It's been a bit of a shit week and the optimism present this time last week has disintegrated. Things have been as hectic as they have been dismal because apparently catching a fucking break is far to much to ask.

So, on that cheery note, I present to you The Weekly Wank:

1. What's So Amazing About Grace? by The Paper Chase

The tragedy about making an album, particularly one with an overlying concept behind it, lies in the fact that sometimes you'll have these great little instrumental interludes that, in the context of the album, sound perfect, but cannot hold their own separated from the collection. Such is the case with "What's So Amazing About Grace?" Without the rest of the album, it's lost as a seemingly filler track.

Both a pro and con, the track is very atmospheric, butit relies on the ambiance set up by the rest of the album in order to carry it's weight. It's roughly 90 seconds long and feature a repetitious string instrument (violin or cello) scratching while a string of music and vocal samples are played in the background. Essentially, it's an effective interlude.

Don't get me wrong, I love this track, and album, Now You Are One Of Us, is one of my favorite albums of all time, but unfortunately, this is not TPC track I'd openly suggest.

2. Cash Cow by We Are Scientists

We Are Scientists play this form of sort of mixture of retro "indie rock" and a sort of modern non-synth influences dance-punk, like a lo-fi, less pretentious version of the The Killers.

You can sort of sense a bit of swagger in Keith Murray's voice as he slides the last word of each line of the verses. It sets up a nice steady pace, which he shatters with the speedy outcry of the chorus.

Like every We Are Scientist song, "Cash Cow" is oddly catchy. The music is of this strange sort where you feel like it should be very exclusive, but it has this undeniable dancey quality to it. It also makes the band's music a bit difficult to discuss. It's not quite in the fixtures of indie rock, punky yet no where near the style of perceived punk rock (which, you could argue, makes it punk rock), and intelligently witty without beating the listener over the head with a snobby air.

Lyrically, the song seems takes note of the desire to act immediately when the opportunity of success, or, as some may point out, the idea of selling out. Unfortunately, the song is a bit lyrically minimalist and not their best effort, which is a bit odd for them, but We Are Scientists has a way of turning their lines into instruments that set a beat, instead of always saying something new (for instance, the repetition of "Well I've been taking my time" throughout the song)

Strange, I know, but for some reason, the band makes it work. It's partly because the dance-punk quality of their music allows for this sort of repetition. Their music is not the sort that feeds of doing a stereotypical formula, so taking different avenues for their sound is encouraged.

A solid track. I would definitely recommend it, but it's not the first We Are Scientists song I'd put on a comp.

3. Caught In The Middle by Dio

Oh, Dio. How could I not have you on iPod? The cock rock metal of old is too irresistibly fun.

"Caught In the Middle" is not their most atmospheric or complex song, but it's got that steady, old school guitar riff, the power metal vocals, and consistently fun atmosphere.

By no means is this a great song, but a perfect inclusion for those nights you want something to shamelessly belt out after far too much caffeine or alcohol or both.

Although, personally, I'd pick "Holy Diver" or "Don't Talk To Strangers" off the same album, Holy Diver.

I really don't have much to add except a shameless laugh.

4. Over The Head, Below The Knees by (A) New Found Glory

O....kay. This is listed as a track from Bad Religion's No Control, but it is most definitely from New Found Glory's 2004 release, Catalyst.

This is such a filler track. I rarely listen to it, which is probably why I never noticed it was missing from it's proper place.

It's somber tone is poorly executed, coming off as needlessly whiny, the chorus is ineffective and agitating rather than catchy, and there seems to be a drive to sound a littler heavier musically than they are, which does not fit the song at all. NFG have ha some moments were they utilized something like that well, but this is not one of those times.

I'm a huge fan of New Found Glory. In fact, I still insist of calling them A New Found Glory, which kind of indicates just how long I've been listening to the band. I will always love pop-punk and this band has always been a welcome mainstay in my listening rotation.

But this is probably one of the band's worst efforts from an otherwise extremely solid album. Avoid.

5. The Beautiful People by Marilyn Manson

This song deals with what Manson once referred as the "fascism of beauty" and handful of other convoluted concepts that made his career somewhat interesting back in the day when he actually contributed music worth listening to.

A track from Antichrist Superstar with Trent Reznor's fingerprints clearly all over it, this song served as an anthem for ever pale-faced, baggy black denim wearing teenager in the country who bought what he was selling.

If I sound a bit caustic, it's because Manson has not aged gracefully, as a musician or a public figure. Nowadays, he comes off more like an idiot who is desperately trying to remain in the limelight. He had the potential to become an amazing artist, but that went out the window long ago.

I own his Very Best Of compilation, which is not only an amazing Manson mix tape, but it's probably the only Manson album I'll ever really need to own (though his material is on my iTunes, just unselected).

As for "The Beautiful People," it's a damn good song. It's intelligent, angry, extremely well produced and programmed by Reznor, and catchy to boot.

There isn't much to say beyond that other than it's a testament to Manson's former potential as this song as aged extremely well and has not lost anything over the years.

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Glorious! The zoo cares...just not about you.

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The Dread Nun Roberts!

This Is Not An Exit: A Rambling On Saves The Day

Saves the Day has been one of my favorite bands for about nine years now. Can't Slow Down was the first of the bands material I heard, but Through Being Cool was honestly the first one I listened to. Throughout the years, this band has constantly shocked and surprised both themselves and their fans with each album.

The beautiful thing about being a Saves the Day fan lies in the fact that you never know exactly what you're going to get when you listen to a new release. Can't Slow Down catered to the bands hardcore roots (when the term hardcore didn't mean a bunch of clowns in eyeliner screaming), which gave way to a blending of that sound with pop-punk in Through Being Cool. The focus on melody drastically changed the listening experience from listening to an album that sounded look one really great song into a collection of individual tracks of honesty and teenage angst. Many fans look at this album as a fond outlet of bitterness because well, for the most part, it's a bit of a break-up/relationship issues record.

And since the band and most of their friends were in their latter teenage years when every relationship is potentially the beginning and end of the world, this album holds a lot of weight. Now that I'm older, I look back on it with nostalgia, but there's also a "man, I can't believe how melodramatic I could be" with some of the songs. In interviews, Conley has expressed the same sentiment. Still, as far as pop-punk albums on teenage angst go, this is a must have.

There were two tracks ("Sell My Old Clothes, I'm Off To Heaven" and "A Drag In D Flat") released on Vagrant Records compilations after Through Being Cool that seemed to indicate that Saves the Day was content to perfecting that particular sound. Wrong.

In July of 2001, the band released their most celebrated album, Stay What You Are. Apart from being a stunning album, the band came out with a sound from the complete opposite direction. Keep in mind, this was before the term "emo" was a household name and greatly confused with pop-punk and make-up metal bands. It also wasn't a curse word. Truth be told, "emo" at the time was pretty much the same as what is no referred to as "indie rock." Of course, music aficionados argue what both of those labels entail, but the important thing is that I can use those phrases and you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Stay What You Are knocked Saves The Day fans on their asses and opened a floodgate of new fans. It was one of those albums that if someone claims they like the band and only have or heard one album, Stay What You Are is generally what they'll list (although the band's discography lends itself to having those types of fans with every album); sort of the same way people will tell you they love Green Day, but only own Dookie. With the opening "At Your Funeral," Saves The Day took listeners on a thoughtful journey with their newly developed style but fiercely remained Saves The Day. Throughout the album you could hear elements of previous ventures despite how different it sounded.

Once more, Vagrant records released a compilation a few months after the album's release with a new Saves The Day song, the stellar "Ups and Downs." Like before, this song was a progression from the previous album, but would have easily felt right at home in the track listing, leading many fans to believe that they knew where Saves The Day was going with their musical future. What came next was what many see as the band's most controversial release.

When In Reverie dropped in September of 2003, many fans were left angry and confused. What happened? This wasn't the band they fell in love with! Only that couldn't be further from the truth. It's easier to see now, but many fans did not understand In Reverie's complete departure was really just the norm for the band. I'd like to say this is what some people must have thought when Stay What You Are came out, but I really don't have enough evidence to support that as most fans I personally know began listening with that record.

In Reverie sounded nothing like any previous Saves The Day record, which, ironically, kept in pace with the band's formula. "Indie rock" as we now know it had yet to explode for many kids in their little scenes, and this strangely clever pop record confused the hell out of them. Ironically, it was perhaps their most critically acclaimed record (with good reason). DreamWorks fucked the band over and left them high and dry with the release, telling them they had made the wrong record.

Saves The Day has always been a bit ahead of their time. They put out a stellar pop-punk album (Through Being Cool), the genre explodes two years later, same with "emo" (Stay What You Are) and "indie" (In Reverie). They've always been just a bit too early with their music to gain the popularity and large scale fanfare they rightly deserved.

Which brings us to now. By now, I mean 2006 forward. Chris Conley began writing material that would become tracks from both 2006's Sound the Alarm and this year's Under the Boards merely days after the release of In Reverie, embarking on what may be their most ambitious effort yet. Beginning with Sound the Alarm, Saves the Day are creating a trilogy of albums, chronicling Conley's personal losing control of his life after the "failure of In Reverie, hitting depression hard, and then accepting things as they are and taking the second chance he's been given. Sound The Alarm was just that. A realization that something was desperately wrong while Under the Boards (which Conley calls the Empire Strikes Back of the trilogy) faces the repercussions of losing control. Next year's Daybreak will complete the trilogy, which has been released very prolifically. Three albums in three years is pretty damn amazing.

With this new trilogy, the band put every single sound that has ever made Saves the Day, chucked them in a blender, and threw it at the wall. Both albums , cut from the same cloth, are so diverse in sound, that any careful fan must pick apart each track and pinpoint where each bit came from.

Most importantly, Saves the Day have always had wonderful lyrics. Conley has a poet's mind, and the songs he writes are an interesting sort of beast. The hit you, sometimes subtly, sometimes hard, but they always touch you. At the risk of sounding silly, they're lyrics you can take something from. "Relate to" isn't perhaps the best phrase. Proactive maybe. It's not just, "I'm angry/sad/whathaveyou, I'm going to listen to this song." It's, "I understand exactly where he's coming from, and this song is enabling me to tackle what I'm going through." They're encouraging lyrics in a sense in that they do not isolate the band from listener, but rather are written so that the listener can easily put his or herself into Conley's place.

It's cathartic, and often times cleansing.

With the case of Under the Boards, it's also very comforting. It's a very dark, personal album brought to life by Conley's vivid yet concise imagery. This is also year's catchiest album about wanting to die. The music and melodies are so damn infectious, that you forget the severity of the material momentarily until you realize what it is you're singing, which I think makes for a more vivid experience as just how far gone Conley felt.

In a way, this emphasizes the dark material, even making it darker in some moments. For example (and one of my favorites), in "When I'm Not There," Conley's sweetly singing a melody that wouldn't be too far off from a faster paced "At Your Funeral," but the lyrics are so seething, it pushes you back a little bit: "I thought I saw you outside my window last night/Lucky for you the shadow fled from the flashlight/Cause I love to wonder how you'll look without your teeth/The hollow smile, the two tipped tongue inside your cheek." All of this while he's crooning in a voice that sounds as if he's smiling. Definitely paints a more sinister tone. And that's the beauty of this album. It appears simple, but the more you listen to it, the longer it sets in, it's a very complex piece.

I've been personally going through some emotional hardship in my personal life, and there are a number of mainstays on rotation in my music collection by bands who always help me. But it's bands like Saves the Day, who offer a very personal, therapeutic listen; the audio equivalent of taking a fresh breath as if a weight has been lifted. That's when you know you've found something special, and through their "ups and downs" Saves The Day have never once failed to deliver an important listen.

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I can't help but feel this is exactly what I would do to someone.

Oh. My.God. Yes.

Click here to view the trailer.

Bwahahahahaha.

Huzzah!

Count me in.

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I don't make this shit up...

Introducing The Weekly Wank

I was recently introduced to the idea of putting my iPod on shuffle and review the first five songs that play. This is a fantastic idea, and serves as a more interesting form of suggestion/warning other than me finding inspiration from the occasional album release (and yes, Bryant, I will do a Say Anything review...when I fucking feel like it).

For future installments, I hope to provide an mp3 of the song played (and may do that tonight for those discussed today). Additionally, I encourage others to do the same. Use my comments section if you like. And forgive typos.

So without further adieu, welcome to The Weekly Wank:

1. "Anthems For A Seventeen Year-Old Girl" by Broken Social Scene

I resisted even listening to this song for the longest time because since the instant the track was released, I found the lyrics posted on nearly every girl I knew's AIM profile, away message, message board signature, blog, and MySpace page. I couldn't escape it, so I simply avoided the damn song. For those uninitiated, Broken Social Scene is somewhat of an indie rock supergroup containing members of a bevy of respected artist.

Truth be told, this is a fucking excellent song. There is a subtle art to repetition that walks the razor line of maintaining the song and beating the listener over the head with words. Placebo and Nine Inch Nails have mastered this, and this song is another perfect example. It works best with music electronic in nature and while the foundations of the song's music lie in Canadian folk, it has the structure of an electronic track that wouldn't sound alien on a Postal Service album.

Metric's Emily Haines' voice was meant for this song. It contains this warm, haunting quality that feeds the repetitious nature of the song's minimal lyrics like a familiar ghost singing lullabies from an AM radio.

And I cannot resist the lyrics. They're of the pining nature; that undying feeling you get when you hope more than anything the person who tugs on your heartstrings is also thinking of you. There a subtle heartbreaking sweetness to it as well as the irresistibly sincere mantra: "Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me..."

As both a music whore and hopeless romantic, I recommend this song to anyone's next mix tape.

2. "Not Gonna Be Alone Tonight" by eve 6
Like most tracks from eve 6's third album, It's All In Your Head, "Not Gonna Be Alone Tonight" find the band mixing up their power pop-punk sound with this "I Love The 90's" type journey into the various stages of "alternative" (at least, that's how the album sounded to me, and we all know, above all, I am right).

Musically, this song serves as a strong combination of eve 6's signature sound molded with this dirty Tom Petty rock that wouldn't work if eve 6 didn't commit to it as much as they do. Max Collins treats the song seriously, so it does not stink of any gimmick, but the lack of punch his lyrics usually contain allows the song to be pretty forgetful to anyone who isn't already an eve 6 fan.

While the song is catchy, and certainly not a bad song at all, it's not among eve 6's best work and makes me wonder how this song made the cut but enjoyable songs like "405" never made it past the demo stage.

3. "Rescued" by Jack's Mannequin

I've always contest that Jack's Mannequin is a far superior musical venture than Something Corporate. And I am going to not go on a rant about emo, but I think the word is grossly overused and misunderstood. I say this because Jack's Mannequin is a band you might hear be associated with that word. That's fine. But people allow that association to take away from the sincerity of what may be an excellent, well written track. That finger is better for pointing at bands who do not deserve a tenth of the attention they have received (see: Hawthorne Heights, Taking Back Sunday)

"Rescued" is one of those songs that serves as evidence that Andrew McMahon never used his abilities as a pianist as a parlor trick. It's a quiet little ballad dealing with a breakout that appears to have been one of many with the same girl. Dealing with that welcoming of negative emotions that wash over you when going through the turbulence of a break-up, McMahon keeps the song simple, not because of his skill, but that it serves the song best.

Moments like this, you feel as if all you can utter are things in simplicity, which oft times end up feeling like revelations. The chorus ends with a moment that takes place when you think, so long as nothing breaks your immediate concentration; that moment where nothings good or bad, just a wash of blissful neutrality so that you can collect yourself to deal with whatever comes next: "I'm finally numb, so please don't get me rescued."

This song, like the entire Jack's Mannequin album, Everything In Transit, is definitely worth a spin to those who want something emotive, honest, and somewhat chill to listen to.

4. "Broken Promise" by Placebo (featuring Michael Stipe of R.E.M.)

Michael Stipe and Brian Molko's contrasting voices perfectly fit this song. It begins with a soft tinkling of piano keys as Stipe breathily begins the song which suddenly breaks down into a pounding of electronic beat and guitar as Brian Molko accompanies him to belt out the chorus. The continue the trend of trading off verses and coming together for the colossal chorus as they play the two sides of the subject of infidelity (Michael the dishonest and Brian the victim).

The song seems to have a sinisterly vengeful tone as the chorus goes "I'll wait my turn to tear inside you/Watch you burn/I'll wait my turn." While that may not come off quite as sinister as the obvious feelings of anger are understood, the song ends with "I'll bide my time/I'll wait my turn." That sort of scheming seems to show that the whole spectacle has made a monster out of the wronged party.

"Broken Promise" is a song that relies on the strength of the vocalists. While the music certain sets the ambiance and carries the structure of the song, the ability of these two different sounding voices coming together without sounding out of place is what makes this song a success.

An obsessive Placebo fan, I will always wholeheartedly recommend their material. Perhaps not the ideal song to be introduced to the band, it's an excellent song that allows the listener to bask in the simplicity of the lyrics and complexity of the dramatic stage its sets.

5. "Suicide Uma Schrantz" by P.O.S.

This is a 30-second track of what could easily by tossed aside as a filler track. Ok, let's face it, it IS a filler track. But P.O.S. is one of those rare hip-hop artists you just enjoy listening to. He's got an atypical voice for the genre in this day and age and channels the true nature of the style with much of the rebellious nature of punk rock.

It's a throwaway track, but a little fun. You won't really enjoy this track unless you've heard his work nor will you enjoy it if you're not listening to the P.O.S. album. It's got silly lyrics with references to Suicide Girls and Charles Bronson and actually sounds like it could have made an entertaining full length track, but alas it doesn't.

What this track does do is whet the appetite to listen to P.O.S., which I think I will go do right now.

This has been The Weekly Wank.

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Found this in my old files. It amuses me though I find the tagline slightly stupid. I may have used this before, but I don't think so. I need caffeine.

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So, anyone down to get some tube steak?

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Oh, my! I'm sorry, I cannot conceive associating Wally World with...class.

Ah Well, At Least It's Entertaining

I'm beginning to wonder if in addition to "Good Morning, Internets" I should start one entitled "Poster Child For Abortion (or Pro-Choice..or what have you).

This jackass takes the cake today. Apparently, in an effort to prove himself a waste of my valuable oxygen, the so-called Zune Guy wishes to legally change his name to Microsoft Zune.

Now, on to the less abysmally stupid and to the odd:

A German businessman plans to launch the country's first television channel dedicated to funerals and mourning, complete with death announcements and documentaries about cemeteries. Personally, I think this is a wonderful idea. Think of all the fucked up children this will create if a parent threatens to re-enact what is shown on the telly. You can bet little Gunter will eat his fucking sauerkraut now.

As some of you know, the Writer's Guild of America is on strike. I am told, that there actually are some real goals aside from getting more money, however, that sort of information isn't being given to the public. In an industry where public image is greatly important, I think this unwise.

More to the point, I don't care. At the end of the day, I just want to see my goddamn stories, and if I don't care if it's the whiners or the tightwads in suits who are at the fault. Someone needs to go in and fix this shit instead of having a staring contest like everyone's autistic.

I would love, however, to explain why these little groups really even exist anymore. The union seems pretty much a dead thing in America. Or it's just proof of power corrupting. Who knows. This is not an area I am well schooled or researched in, which is why I'm talking mainly out of my ass, Variety articles, and the bane of all existence (which is why I use it, to annoy you), Wikipedia.

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Let's be slightly wrong today, shall we?

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I don't expect more than two of you to understand why this is fucking hysterical. Trust me, it is.



And for the curious, watch the "Lauren Cooper" sketches on the Katherine Tate Show on YouTube.

Well, October...

I would like to take this moment to wish October a fine "Fuck you!" For a variety of reasons, the month held great potential and I entered the month with a degree of optimism.

Apparently, my foresight was akin to a blind kid trying his hand at Magic Eye.

Holy shit. One of the more terrible months of an already particularly dismal year (save for stellar music releases by Saves the Day and Say Anything).

Halloween and the first few days of November have shown promise...or at the very least have been...interesting.

On the other hand, I've been seeing a bit more of my friend, Bryant Jackson, as of late, and we're closer to physically planning or comic than we've been since the first month we spoke about it. Collaborative creation is definitely the way for me to work right now. I like having someone involved to bounce around ideas with. It also motivates me more to write. I think after a few weeks and a proper serious talk about it, we may have actually started on one of our ideas by Thanksgiving, which would be amazing.

Yes, world, I am on to you. You'll get yours...very soon.

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It's leviOsa, not leviosA

Halloween Message From Warren Ellis

Warren Ellis' Halloween bulletin on MySpace serves as a further example as to why I fucking love and worship that man.

"Someone said on Twitter recently:

Halloween: where I dress up as Warren Ellis and hit children with my cane while screaming "HUMBUG".

This is, of course, a lie.

I do that at Christmas.

On Halloween, I squirt lighter fluid over children and then hurl burning sticks at them while screaming "TRICK! TRICK, you little fucks!"

Tonight, I'm going to leave a sign on my door, written in very small print, and then go out to dinner. People will have to come right up to the door to read the sign. On it will be written

QUARANTINE
if you're close enough to read this
you have caught the bird flu"

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I may have posted this on a friends page once..or not. I found it in my old files and thought it too amusing not to use.

Placebo Part Ways With Steve

Sigh. Lovely. More bad news. From the official site:

"Placebo have parted company with drummer of 11 years, Steve Hewitt, due to personal and musical differences.

Brian Molko commented "Being in a band is very much like being in a marriage, and in couples - in this case a triple - people can grow apart over the years. To say that you don't love your partner anymore is inaccurate, considering all that you've been through and achieved together. There simply comes a point when you realize that you want different things from your relationship and that you can no longer live under the same roof, so to speak."

The split is amicable and a sad time for both parties. Steve Hewitt replaced Robert Schultzberg behind the drum kit in 1996 whilst the band were promoting Placebo’s eponymous debut album and went on to record the following 4 studio albums ‘Without You I’m Nothing’, ‘Black Market Music’, ‘Sleeping With Ghosts’ and most recently ‘Meds’.

Placebo have just returned from the USA where they were part of the high profile ‘Projekt Revolution Tour’ alongside Linkin Park and My Chemical Romance. The band are now taking a well earned break.

Brian Molko and Stefan Olsdal will begin work on Placebo’s 6th studio album next Spring and are in no rush to find an immediate replacement for Steve"

I'm still in shock. Will comment later. Maybe.

Best.Comment.Card.Ever

Matthew Caws

Matthew Caws of Nada Surf did an interesting interview over at absolutepunk.net. Click here to give it a read.

Nada Surf seems to be continue to gain momentum, which is quite a feat for a band thought of as a one-hit wonder over a decade ago.

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Yes, sacrifice yourself to Pikachu's ever hungering vagina!

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Perhaps the greatest film poster of all time.
I will fight anyone who says different...to the death.



NPH 4 Life.

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There's A Lack Of Color Here...

Fortune, that fickle mistress, has seemed fit to frown upon me as of late. Of course, the wheel turns: one day it grinds your face into the sodden earth while the next your grabbing towards the sky at the wheel's peak. Fortune, then, must be in park at the moment.

I've done my best to at the very least pretend I'm unphased by this turn, but, honestly, it's getting more and more difficult. It's a lonely and strenuous time to be Myles Griffin. In an attempt in avoiding being a complete sad bastard, I'm going to end that bit. I don't really care to go through everything specific at the time. I just wanted to state my weariness with everything going wrong and the fact that it would be lovely to have some positive things happen to me. You know, for a change of pace.

By chance, I ran into my friend Bryant while visiting with Nikki and little Kayla at Barnes & Noble last night. Our similarities in character have been pointed out casually every one in a while, but last night, it became very clear that we're definitely cut from the same fabric. We have great differences, but there's a core similarity there that cannot be easily duplicated. We announced the exact same thought on at least four occasions throughout our hour and a half conversation.

We've been talking for two years about doing a comic together. I believe we should get serious about it very soon.

A good number of people are asking me a review or what I think of Say Anything's In Defense of the Genre. I've sort of avoided doing it, but I may spin one out. But for now, this one line review will have to do: Max Bemis pisses excellence.

OK, I'm finished for now.

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Jeremy's friends learned the hard way to share their breadcrumbs

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Not such a little angel now, is she? (Why yes, I am going to Hell, thank you.)

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It Isn't Fair, But It's Reality. I Need A Miracle In My Veins, After All

Sigh.

I'm not sure what to make of things right now. People confuse me a great deal, and suffice to say I'm pretty down about things. But, I suppose I never had a chance to begin with, and I'm not exactly sure why that sort of thing still surprises me, as it's been reoccurring for the last two and a half years.

Ugh, that's as far as I'm delving into that right now.

The plan for today is to dive into looking into new musics. However, considering the trend lately, it is unlikely it will go as I hope. But I'm going to give it the old college try nonetheless.

Swearing Boosts Morale: This made me smile...and also shake my head muttering "no shit, sherlock"

In other news, I am transforming into a mad scientist.

You are all doomed.

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Because I am feeling particularly evil this morning, I'm forcing the death of your childhood upon you. Enjoy.

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People really do amuse me