Monday, June 30, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Good Morning, Internets
"Her humor lives on..." Excellent, excellent stuff. When i get around to dying, I hope my grave site is similar
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Someone Call The Wah-Bulance
Hello there.
The drink that contains my caffeine is going cold and I fear that my consumption of the nectar is beginning to have adverse effects of my body. I think I'm paranoid, but I get the sense I have heart trouble. Or maybe just high cholesterol. Not that I'll waste the dime and time to go to the doctor, but it's a suspicion.
I am ever over analytical and I need to stop. I can't turn my brain off. Idea after idea after scenario after scenario fly through at a velocity that I can't possibly keep up, mucking up my already broken brain.
Why I'm writing this, I don't know. There's no particular point to this post. I suspect I am typing simply to keep my mind occupied and just let the finger translate thoughts from my brain.
For all intents and purposes, things seem to be going quite well. I am in love with Ashleigh. And she loves me back. But... her time at camp has definitely been stressful for the both of us. Her because she's constantly overworking for something that does not live up to what she had hoped it would. for me because our communication has been cut back severely that my insecurities take over.
When I zone out and put everything in perspective, a feeling of shame and stupidity blushes through me. My fortune with the opposite sex, as I've pointed out several times, has been virtually nonexistent for the last three years. As a result, a knee-jerk reaction to any potential ill event sends my brain into overload.
This is not the first time I've done the distance thing.
My first major girlfriend (in high school) moved to Charleston, but still wanted to be with me. Long story short, she ended up sleeping with someone else. Broke things off, and at the time, my heart.
The first girl I attempted to date after Becca was a girl named Robyn. She lived in Greensboro and ran in the same circle as my good friend Ashli. We became friends and chatted over AIM a great deal. Eventually was decided to have a go at dating and things seemed to look really nice. Well, she had an ex named Dean who had a huge impact on her and broke her heart. First love sort of thing. We had only been seeing each other for about 3 weeks when her communication dropped completely. No calls, IM, text, comments. Nothing. Turns out she decided to start hooking up with her ex and get back together with him. Except...she neglected to ever break up with me. Her friend told me what was going on and I just stopped trying to communicate with her. We haven't spoken since. Given, we weren't serious and I wasn't really THAT into her yet, but it still hurt, you know?
Martine was someone I met because of my friend Sheli. They used to be mods for this somewhat trend focused message board called LaundroMatic. There were few guys there so I was constantly pestered by Sheli to post. So I did. Eventually, during one of the boards frequent crashed, Sheli created a chatroom that people used for the two weeks the damn thing went out. Ended up getting to know Martine very well, we goofed around, got engaged on Facebook, and just relatively had a great time. Martine had, a month and a half prior, broken up with her boyfriend, who had pretty much severely broken her heart (I found this out after we started dating). She lived in Maryland, but I was making decent money at the time so I figured "Fuck it, why not?" Flew up there and had a great time. We dated for a few weeks. Then it came out how NOT over her ex she was, to the point that when he was going to visited, she planned to hook up with him. This was the first girl I genuinely liked after Becca and I broke up (about a year later). It ravaged my already fleeting self confidence. She broke it off, and we had a tense friendship before not speaking for a number of months. I got over it and we re-established our friendship. We don't speak too often, but we still chat from time to time and there's no hard feelings.
Lauren, I liked a lot at the time, went to C of C. She simply wasn't over her ex and it pretty much shot any chance we had at having a relationship. She had a break down and broke things off.
So I have a history of ending up with girls who have this major ex in their life, but somehow claim to have feelings for me and want to give it a shot regardless. Historically for me, they ended up cheating or not feeling like they initially said they would...and it's...it's been rough.
I guess what makes me nervous is the fact that I've fallen for the girl, completely. And..I don't know..she's just seemed distant this week and our contact has already been greatly lessened by her work load. And all the places I work at are fairly dead, so I've got nothing to do think about shit. So i can't help but torture myself with thoughts like "What if her feelings have faded?"
The thought that someone can be in love with me..or that someone says they love me and mean it..it's..it's hard for me to think that. The distance, or at least the distance directly after realizing we loved one another, sort of aids that train of thought. We both knew this would be tough..and I'm struggling not to say anything. Don't want to put her off.
Perhaps I haven't been so utterly open to vulnerability in a very, very long time. I don't know. I don't necessarily enjoy blogging about this to the whole 3 people who read it. It's a bit embarrassing, but I kind of want my ideas stored somewhere, and it helps get things off my chest.
The drink that contains my caffeine is going cold and I fear that my consumption of the nectar is beginning to have adverse effects of my body. I think I'm paranoid, but I get the sense I have heart trouble. Or maybe just high cholesterol. Not that I'll waste the dime and time to go to the doctor, but it's a suspicion.
I am ever over analytical and I need to stop. I can't turn my brain off. Idea after idea after scenario after scenario fly through at a velocity that I can't possibly keep up, mucking up my already broken brain.
Why I'm writing this, I don't know. There's no particular point to this post. I suspect I am typing simply to keep my mind occupied and just let the finger translate thoughts from my brain.
For all intents and purposes, things seem to be going quite well. I am in love with Ashleigh. And she loves me back. But... her time at camp has definitely been stressful for the both of us. Her because she's constantly overworking for something that does not live up to what she had hoped it would. for me because our communication has been cut back severely that my insecurities take over.
When I zone out and put everything in perspective, a feeling of shame and stupidity blushes through me. My fortune with the opposite sex, as I've pointed out several times, has been virtually nonexistent for the last three years. As a result, a knee-jerk reaction to any potential ill event sends my brain into overload.
This is not the first time I've done the distance thing.
My first major girlfriend (in high school) moved to Charleston, but still wanted to be with me. Long story short, she ended up sleeping with someone else. Broke things off, and at the time, my heart.
The first girl I attempted to date after Becca was a girl named Robyn. She lived in Greensboro and ran in the same circle as my good friend Ashli. We became friends and chatted over AIM a great deal. Eventually was decided to have a go at dating and things seemed to look really nice. Well, she had an ex named Dean who had a huge impact on her and broke her heart. First love sort of thing. We had only been seeing each other for about 3 weeks when her communication dropped completely. No calls, IM, text, comments. Nothing. Turns out she decided to start hooking up with her ex and get back together with him. Except...she neglected to ever break up with me. Her friend told me what was going on and I just stopped trying to communicate with her. We haven't spoken since. Given, we weren't serious and I wasn't really THAT into her yet, but it still hurt, you know?
Martine was someone I met because of my friend Sheli. They used to be mods for this somewhat trend focused message board called LaundroMatic. There were few guys there so I was constantly pestered by Sheli to post. So I did. Eventually, during one of the boards frequent crashed, Sheli created a chatroom that people used for the two weeks the damn thing went out. Ended up getting to know Martine very well, we goofed around, got engaged on Facebook, and just relatively had a great time. Martine had, a month and a half prior, broken up with her boyfriend, who had pretty much severely broken her heart (I found this out after we started dating). She lived in Maryland, but I was making decent money at the time so I figured "Fuck it, why not?" Flew up there and had a great time. We dated for a few weeks. Then it came out how NOT over her ex she was, to the point that when he was going to visited, she planned to hook up with him. This was the first girl I genuinely liked after Becca and I broke up (about a year later). It ravaged my already fleeting self confidence. She broke it off, and we had a tense friendship before not speaking for a number of months. I got over it and we re-established our friendship. We don't speak too often, but we still chat from time to time and there's no hard feelings.
Lauren, I liked a lot at the time, went to C of C. She simply wasn't over her ex and it pretty much shot any chance we had at having a relationship. She had a break down and broke things off.
So I have a history of ending up with girls who have this major ex in their life, but somehow claim to have feelings for me and want to give it a shot regardless. Historically for me, they ended up cheating or not feeling like they initially said they would...and it's...it's been rough.
I guess what makes me nervous is the fact that I've fallen for the girl, completely. And..I don't know..she's just seemed distant this week and our contact has already been greatly lessened by her work load. And all the places I work at are fairly dead, so I've got nothing to do think about shit. So i can't help but torture myself with thoughts like "What if her feelings have faded?"
The thought that someone can be in love with me..or that someone says they love me and mean it..it's..it's hard for me to think that. The distance, or at least the distance directly after realizing we loved one another, sort of aids that train of thought. We both knew this would be tough..and I'm struggling not to say anything. Don't want to put her off.
Perhaps I haven't been so utterly open to vulnerability in a very, very long time. I don't know. I don't necessarily enjoy blogging about this to the whole 3 people who read it. It's a bit embarrassing, but I kind of want my ideas stored somewhere, and it helps get things off my chest.
Friday, June 20, 2008
The Fog of War...
Also, have you ever looked really hard at a panda bear? I have come to the sudden realization that they are one of the most frightening creatures on Earth.
Due to the genius design of their fur, the sly fiends often lull people into a dim-witted sense of security. "Oh! Look at those patch eyes. Aren't they just daaaahrlliiing! We must save each and every one of them!"
Wrong madam.
That is what they want.
With their numbers depleted, what chance do they have? Oh, "but if the humans find ua adorable, they will build and assemble our forces FOR us!"
Chances are, you've never taken a good look at the so-called panda bear. Look closely. Look at their eyes.
Those crafty patches almost hide them entirely, so people never really pay too much attention. Merely assume the big, lumbering creatures' eyes are a simple black color and blend in with its uniform as pandas often seem to have their head lowered.
Those aren't the eyes of a dumb animal. There's an intelligence there. A knowing, plotting, horrible intelligence that, when observed, looks as though another animal entirely tore the skin and fur off some poor creature who likely was a gentler, more noble, but altogether retarded animal.
Instead, we trip over ourselves to get these creatures to fuck and further populate their species. If panda awareness were raised, you can guarantee the efforts to saves these beasts from "endangerment" would be dropped. No one cares for the undesirables.
Take, for example, the Aruba island rattlesnake.
There are equal to or less than 230 of these animals left in existence. They are classified as Critically Endangered. There is only one law in relation to it's endangerment: it's illegal to export them. That's it.
Why, you ask?
No one gives a rat's ass about a rattlesnake.
Yet, the rattlesnake does not lie about what it is. It is not, as the vile panda, hiding it's nature, and if it were up to most people, rattlesnakes likely wouldn't even be here. They are not cute nor cuddly looking and make no effort to seem to be. They merely want to be left alone...or else they will smite you with their poisons and you will die. A lot.
But with one shake of its fur as it chomps down on a piece of bamboo wood that no animal, not even the typical peon bear, would find appetizing melts the hearts of people across the world and now it gleefully waits in amusement as its future prey (ie, we humans) tends to its species.. Waiting for that one fleeting moment...
These monsters must be stopped. At all costs.
Due to the genius design of their fur, the sly fiends often lull people into a dim-witted sense of security. "Oh! Look at those patch eyes. Aren't they just daaaahrlliiing! We must save each and every one of them!"
Wrong madam.
That is what they want.
With their numbers depleted, what chance do they have? Oh, "but if the humans find ua adorable, they will build and assemble our forces FOR us!"
Chances are, you've never taken a good look at the so-called panda bear. Look closely. Look at their eyes.
Those crafty patches almost hide them entirely, so people never really pay too much attention. Merely assume the big, lumbering creatures' eyes are a simple black color and blend in with its uniform as pandas often seem to have their head lowered.
Those aren't the eyes of a dumb animal. There's an intelligence there. A knowing, plotting, horrible intelligence that, when observed, looks as though another animal entirely tore the skin and fur off some poor creature who likely was a gentler, more noble, but altogether retarded animal.
Instead, we trip over ourselves to get these creatures to fuck and further populate their species. If panda awareness were raised, you can guarantee the efforts to saves these beasts from "endangerment" would be dropped. No one cares for the undesirables.
Take, for example, the Aruba island rattlesnake.
There are equal to or less than 230 of these animals left in existence. They are classified as Critically Endangered. There is only one law in relation to it's endangerment: it's illegal to export them. That's it.
Why, you ask?
No one gives a rat's ass about a rattlesnake.
Yet, the rattlesnake does not lie about what it is. It is not, as the vile panda, hiding it's nature, and if it were up to most people, rattlesnakes likely wouldn't even be here. They are not cute nor cuddly looking and make no effort to seem to be. They merely want to be left alone...or else they will smite you with their poisons and you will die. A lot.
But with one shake of its fur as it chomps down on a piece of bamboo wood that no animal, not even the typical peon bear, would find appetizing melts the hearts of people across the world and now it gleefully waits in amusement as its future prey (ie, we humans) tends to its species.. Waiting for that one fleeting moment...
These monsters must be stopped. At all costs.
Good Morning, Internets
There are days like today, when sleep deprivation rules my life. As a result, my brain breaks down and sees the world through a different lens and convinces my eyes that I see things such as this image in plain daylight. I sight in defeat, knowing my brain seeks to destroy me, So I poor more coffee onto the bastard, half hoping I will scald him only to allow me those precious few seconds of recoil to escape.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Oh! The Printed Word
"Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book." - Unknown
It's been far too long since I've read non-graphic literature. My last foray consisted of the three Twilight books this part March. I find myself missing books.
Just bought Stephen King's most recent, Duma Key. I've heard from King fans I know that this is one his best novels. Since I've had the hankering to sit down with some of King's long-form fiction again, I decided to let this book be the one to take me back.
Books have the remarkable characteristic of igniting the world. For example, there's an astounding book out from 1995 entitled, Pirate Utopias: Moorish Corsairs and European Renagadoes. It's a detailed and academically lauded book about the real phenomena of "pirate utopias" in the 16th through 19th centuries. How fascinating!
Sometimes, I forget, with my constant love affair with worlds that are not, have not been, will not be, or might be that I forget the world that was. Pirates existed. Not just in movies and penny dreadfuls. Pirates actually existed. And I think people, myself included, tend to forget that fact.
And yet, here's a book to remind us and explain to us as it was. I can't wait to order this book, as I can't wait to engorge some of the factual lives of real pirates. Real pirates!
With Ashleigh so far away right now, losing myself in treasure troves such as these books will help assuage the ache of missing her. Though she's never out of my mind, at the very least, the books will help occupy my brain.
Onward!
It's been far too long since I've read non-graphic literature. My last foray consisted of the three Twilight books this part March. I find myself missing books.
Just bought Stephen King's most recent, Duma Key. I've heard from King fans I know that this is one his best novels. Since I've had the hankering to sit down with some of King's long-form fiction again, I decided to let this book be the one to take me back.
Books have the remarkable characteristic of igniting the world. For example, there's an astounding book out from 1995 entitled, Pirate Utopias: Moorish Corsairs and European Renagadoes. It's a detailed and academically lauded book about the real phenomena of "pirate utopias" in the 16th through 19th centuries. How fascinating!
Sometimes, I forget, with my constant love affair with worlds that are not, have not been, will not be, or might be that I forget the world that was. Pirates existed. Not just in movies and penny dreadfuls. Pirates actually existed. And I think people, myself included, tend to forget that fact.
And yet, here's a book to remind us and explain to us as it was. I can't wait to order this book, as I can't wait to engorge some of the factual lives of real pirates. Real pirates!
With Ashleigh so far away right now, losing myself in treasure troves such as these books will help assuage the ache of missing her. Though she's never out of my mind, at the very least, the books will help occupy my brain.
Onward!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Good Morning, Internets
On last nights' edition of WWE Monday Night Raw, Vince McMahon and the rest of the world got Rick Roll'd.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Almost...
One of the most disappointing things is coming across albums that are almost amazing. Bands that exhibit such promise yet lack that unnameable something come off more disappointing than if the music were actually bad. I think it's somewhere in the analytical process when you realize how good something almost is, it becomes a stigma, and you're unable to get past it.
Forgive Durden, for example. The album 2006 album, Wonderland, houses characteristics of a band I should for certain love. There's a theatric element present to the point that there are carnival-esque sounding moments made by rock instruments, not commonly done (whether that was intent or thrift, I'm unsure, but it's cool), constant allusions to the fantastical imagination of Lewis Carroll, and an all around solid sound, from vocals to hooks to song structure. But something's missing.
With forgive Durden, the idea is better than the execution. I think everything about the record is great, but just not quite three. The vocals aren't as strong or prevalent when the need to be, in those moments, the music doesn't take over as it should. The production definitely needs tweaking. Perhaps when something's so close to being on an upper level, each small misgiving seems more monumental that it should. Plan on listening to this band more to see if it grows further on me, or if it's destined to be one of the "almost was" records.
Similar comments about the late Pistolita, except that I can really get into most of the album. At times, Oliver Over The Moon, the band's only full length, sounds homogeneous, which distracts from the overall greatness of the record. Oliver Over The Moon's a very solid listen, and mostly delivers on it's promise of the band's potential, but again, these slight misgivings attributed to a perceived great concept make the negatives seem far larger than they are. Pistolita had this very cool early-My Chemical Romance meets Weezer sound that cleverly avoided directly sounding like either band. I highly recommend them. "Beni Accident" is still my favorite track, I think. Possibly because it's the catchiest. "Papercut" and "Fadawhite" are pretty great too.
With Monsta Island Czars, though, it's more just general disappointment given the excellence of the main contributors and the overall awesomeness of the concept of the group's identities. The original line-up of this underground hip-hop supergroup featured celebrated members such as MF Doom and MF Grimm. The actual current line-up (as Doom and Grimm apparently have a rivalry going on now for reasons unknown to me) is sort of up in the air and there is speculation as to whether or not the entity known as "Monsta Island Czars" will come out with another release.
I'm a huge fan of Daniel Dumile, who, amongst many other aliases, performs as MF Doom or King Geedorah, a completely unique artist in a genre that's been xenophobic the last few years. His King Geedorah moniker heavily uses the mythology of the Toho Godzilla films, which turn out far more amazing than one would be lead to believe.
So an entire group dedicated to the idea? Sounds amazing. Unfortunately, not all the members of the group are as stellar to listen to, which brings the album down heavily. There are some noteworthy tracks, but the project as a whole suffers from not trimming away the fat due to likely friendships.
Sad days indeed. If anyone has similar experiences..feel free to contribute.
Forgive Durden, for example. The album 2006 album, Wonderland, houses characteristics of a band I should for certain love. There's a theatric element present to the point that there are carnival-esque sounding moments made by rock instruments, not commonly done (whether that was intent or thrift, I'm unsure, but it's cool), constant allusions to the fantastical imagination of Lewis Carroll, and an all around solid sound, from vocals to hooks to song structure. But something's missing.
With forgive Durden, the idea is better than the execution. I think everything about the record is great, but just not quite three. The vocals aren't as strong or prevalent when the need to be, in those moments, the music doesn't take over as it should. The production definitely needs tweaking. Perhaps when something's so close to being on an upper level, each small misgiving seems more monumental that it should. Plan on listening to this band more to see if it grows further on me, or if it's destined to be one of the "almost was" records.
Similar comments about the late Pistolita, except that I can really get into most of the album. At times, Oliver Over The Moon, the band's only full length, sounds homogeneous, which distracts from the overall greatness of the record. Oliver Over The Moon's a very solid listen, and mostly delivers on it's promise of the band's potential, but again, these slight misgivings attributed to a perceived great concept make the negatives seem far larger than they are. Pistolita had this very cool early-My Chemical Romance meets Weezer sound that cleverly avoided directly sounding like either band. I highly recommend them. "Beni Accident" is still my favorite track, I think. Possibly because it's the catchiest. "Papercut" and "Fadawhite" are pretty great too.
With Monsta Island Czars, though, it's more just general disappointment given the excellence of the main contributors and the overall awesomeness of the concept of the group's identities. The original line-up of this underground hip-hop supergroup featured celebrated members such as MF Doom and MF Grimm. The actual current line-up (as Doom and Grimm apparently have a rivalry going on now for reasons unknown to me) is sort of up in the air and there is speculation as to whether or not the entity known as "Monsta Island Czars" will come out with another release.
I'm a huge fan of Daniel Dumile, who, amongst many other aliases, performs as MF Doom or King Geedorah, a completely unique artist in a genre that's been xenophobic the last few years. His King Geedorah moniker heavily uses the mythology of the Toho Godzilla films, which turn out far more amazing than one would be lead to believe.
So an entire group dedicated to the idea? Sounds amazing. Unfortunately, not all the members of the group are as stellar to listen to, which brings the album down heavily. There are some noteworthy tracks, but the project as a whole suffers from not trimming away the fat due to likely friendships.
Sad days indeed. If anyone has similar experiences..feel free to contribute.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Good Morning, Internets
The decorations adorning the restroom allow the majority of men a portion of perspective before they go back out to "get their game on"
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Monday, June 2, 2008
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