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The origins of Swine Flu

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"Uh uh. You poke it."

*Yes, I am aware this is Photoshopped. No, I don't care.*

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Location. Location. Location.

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I kind of loved this.

(If you can't read it, click on the image and you'll be taken to my photobucket page where you can enlarge it.)

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Good Morning, Internets

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Did you think we'd forget your b-day, big guy?

Introducing...MylesFM

While I've been incapable to keep up a consistent output of The Weekly Wank for whatever reason, I'm going to try something else that I'm calling MylesFM. I set up a Playlist account so that I can create and share playlists, which is a far more entertaining and interactive.

I'll do my best to provide further insights of tracks akin to what I was doing with The Weekly Wank, but more often than not that will be further meditated on or edited in a little after the fact. Each and every playlist will likely have a title and short description. For example, I randomly created the debut while driving around on my lunch this afternoon. It's entitled Kick Start, which is described as "a handful of spontaneous pop-infused sing-a-longs for upswinging drives in temperate spring afternoons and other pleasantries." Meaning this particular entry was not really pre-meditated at all.

So, check out what I select, discuss it, pop it up as background noise, or log on and create your own playlists to share..whatever you like. Bitching, however, will be ignored or made fun of. Or you wake up one morning to find a large man in a beaver suit looking hungrily at you with a hack saw. Oh, and give the player a minute or two to load up. Then press play and enjoy the fun!

Anyone who wishes to have a burned copy and can't do so themselves, I'll be happy to supply one.

I Mean It This Time, I Promise

Plan to commence bloggery once more at a more steady pace. Of course, I make and break this promise often, but this time, I totally mean it...again.

In the mean time, check out the excellent looking trailer for April Showers, a film about the aftermath of a high school shooting rather than focusing on the shooting itself. It's written/directed by Andrew Robinson, a senior at Columbine High School at the time of the shootings in '99.



P.S. My pals in Wheatus contribute some new tracks to the film's soundtrack, one of which were written exclusively for the film.

Now begone.

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Thanks, Uncle Warren

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You have got to be fucking with me...

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Oops

Ohai. Now's a good time to run.

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Epic.

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Oh, fuck off.

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Everyone should do this to every stop sign they come across.

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Good Morning, Internets

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When I grabbed this photo, the file was listed as "Prom Night Dumpster Baby."

The Haunting In Connecticut (review)

As I've made it very clear before, I love ghost stories, and I am more than fond of haunted house films, a subgenre we haven't seen too much of in the 2000's.

I've personally found ghost stories tend to get to the heart of horror. Horror, by it's very namesake, is an attempt to tap into the viewers' fear. Through the tales of the unknown or unexplained, the genre's mission remains to merely evoke the emotion of fear.

Through this broad and admittedly purposely sparse definition (I went into more detail here), ghost stories best emulate the genre because they are grounded in a blurred reality.

Many believe in the existence of ghosts, or, at the very least the possibility of it. Some for religious reasons, others due to experience, and there are those who simply concede the unexplained no matter what path of life they have chosen.

Well told ghost stories exploit this acceptance and pinpoint one of the few reasons real people have to fear the dark. More specifically, like the locales or characters in the stories, well told ghost stories will haunt you, and that lasting impression will be the reason your mind darts from the logical every time the house settles in the middle of the night.

This is my criteria for legitimate attempts at ghost /haunted house films. It's a strict standard, but if a haunting fails to unnerve me in anyway, it's a failure.

So does The Haunting in Connecticut meet these standards? Well, yes and no.

Yes because there is an excellent story here, however, the rookie director does not have enough faith either in himself or the story not to employ the now conventional genre cliches (also referred to as MTV Directing), which softens the impact of both the story and some extremely tense moments.

Let's cover two sore spots for horror fans first: the PG-13 rating and "based on a true story."

I can't count the number of horror fans I saw jump down this film's throat at the announcement The Haunting in Connecticut was rated PG-13, a knee-jerk reaction to the fear that successful horror films NOT rated R will result in a declawing of the genre.

However, the fact of the matter is that most of the things that require an R rating are not necessary to tell good ghost stories. Many of film's better haunting tales aren't R. Hell, the original The Haunting is Rated G. I have no problem with a non-R rated ghost story.

As for the "true story" element. Let's face it, the people are trying to sell a movie. The writer wants his script sold. The studios want people to buy tickets. What better way to get audience than to say the film is based off a real haunted house?

The Haunting In Connecticut isn't just based off any old haunting, it's based off one of the American hauntings. But what many people don't understand is that being based on a true story doesn't translate as "the film you are watching is an accurate account of the everything that happened." No. It's based on a true story, not the true story itself. It's merely a piece of fiction based upon/inspired by something that did (allegedly) happen.

The film sets up rather quickly. The Campbell family moves to a vacant house in Connecticut in order to to be closer to the hospital where Matt, the family's older son, receives treatment for cancer.

Matt's a candidate for a trial test for cancer therapy. Part of his candidacy depends on how the treatments effect him. If he begins experiencing visual and auditory hallucinations, he could lose his spot in the experiment.

The beginning of the treatment coincides with the family's move into a new home, where Matt immediately starts having vivid nightmares that blend into his waking life. You can guess where the film goes from here: the haunting escalates until eventually the entire family becomes involved. That's not spoiling anything for anyone.

I found the early isolation of the Matt-specific haunting very interesting. Because Matt, fantastically portrayed by Kyle Gallner, receives an experimental treatment that causes hallucinations, the viewer is left to wonder whether or not it's all in his head.

At this point, I didn't mind what I perceive to be one of the film's glaring flaws: the extensive use of CGI, particularly the ghosts.

It reminded me of The Exorcism of Emily Rose, which used CGI demons and imagery. Initially, I was irritated with what I found to be the overusage of CGI. However, the film lent itself to scrutiny about whether or not Emily was actually possessed, and the CGI gave the film a surreal off-kilter look which actually helped it's ambiguous goal.

Unfortunately, that's not the case with The Haunting in Connecticut. Once the rest of the family is directly involved with the supernatural events, and its clear that its not being fabricated by Matt's mind, the CGI is no longer forgivable.

I'm not sure if Hollywood's aware, but CGI ghosts? Not scary. Not in the slightest.

Furthermore, it separates the audiences farther from that blur between reality and imagination. I'm not proposing the lack of special effects at all, but rather a less digital means of presenting the ghost on screen. Use real actors. They're there for a reason. If you're going to go through all the trouble to cast someone for flashback scenes, you may as well use them for more of the haunting sequences. Many great scenes are marred by ghosts that, while conceptually effective, look a bit too much like they were ripped out of Resident Evil 5 and pasted onto the screen to have any lasting effect.

The film's other grave sin the misuse of soundtrack. Apparently, the filmmakers don't trust us to know when we're supposed to be frightened. So, to remind us, they use a screeching violin to jump out every single time. A soundtrack is an amazing tool to establish a mood or tension, but when it's used to force the scares, it shows how little faith the filmmakers have in their abilities to set up a scene.

I can empathize with Peter Cornwell. This is his first full length feature, which he was doing for a major studio with some high profile marketing. Essentially, his commercial career was on the line. I can understand going a mainstream route to directing a feature like this, but by playing it safe, he missed a grand opportunity to tell a terrifying tale.

The story and fabricated history are rich, which is a surprise considering the film's scripted by the guy who brought us Carnosaur and Bones (The Snoop Dogg movie, not the show). There's even a small mythology at work in The Haunting In Connecticut. Strong enough is the haunting tale that despite the movie's glaring flaws, the end product comes out ok.

My only real caveat with the story is the half-assed side plot about the father's one-time alcohol problem. It's established early on in the story and revisited in the second act, but very clumsily. In fact, I'm absolutely certain it was only executed to give actor Martin Donovan (Saved, Weeds) something to do.

The Haunting in Connecticut is one of the better haunted house movies to come out in a while, and while the filmmakers didn't dare to take any risks to scare the audience, the generally strong performances and fascinating core story are enough to make the film enjoyable. It won't stack up against some of the stiffer competition in horror cinema, but it's still a fun little romp.



Theatrical Release Date: March 27, 2009

Director: Peter Cornwell

Cast: Virginia Madsen
Kyle Gallner
Elias Koteas
Amanda Crew
Martin Donovan

Overall Rating: 6.8/10