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for the last time this year...

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"Rawr! I, Shark!" This image just seems the beginning of an extremely awkward conversation.

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*yawn*

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Good Morning, Internets

Good Morning, Internets

A lot of people ask me where I get my pictures, and most people are under the impression I have this magic forest of oddities stored away int he recess of my computer.

Unbeknownst to most of you, for every interesting, funny, and gloriously offensive thing I've found, there are countless horrors that cannot be unseen. Indeed, many of these I believe are placed across the recesses of the information super highway by people trying to break my brain.

To give you one of the more tame things I've had to endure, I give you...penis slugs (oh yes, and beware the explicit nature to all lose young, fragile minds out there. I take that back, if your mind is young and fragile, then by all means, forge on)...This is not safe for work, parents, or indeed anyone with an decency at all ;)

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I am, in fact, alive. Terrorists suicide bombed the internet at the office. They have been disposed of accordingly. So now, I present to you, courtesy of Trixie Bedlam via Warren Ellis, my return.

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"Edna, I'll be with you soon!"

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Green Day = <3

As if on cue whenever things conglomerated and take a turn for the shitty, Green Day is there, as they strangely have been throughout my entire life (perhaps a post on that one day soon).

For now, all that needs to be said is that I was in a particularly miserable mood..when I got wind of a new Green Day secret side-project.

They're called Foxouro Hot Tubs. It's got this great 60's garage rock twist to it. So far I'm loving the hell out of it.And the sound is sensationally fun.

Apparently, they will be releasing a six song EP online for free very shortly. Three of the tracks are streaming on their MySpace page...which I have, of course..ripped ;)

I will be sharing of course. Just contact me or grab my SlSk screenname from me.

Ah, to have a reason to smile.

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"Okay, boys! Ivans got us surrounded on all sides. This is like training camp. You get cornered...go for the testicles. Captain, out! Woof!"

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Occasionally, I come across things that are not funny, offensive, or particularly strange. This is just neat. So I thought I'd share. And by share, I mean force this upon your tear-stained face. (insert pleasant smile here)

The (Sort Of) Return of the Weekly Wank

I know. I know. It's been two weeks...and it's not Friday. I've been busy. And my mind's a bit frazzled. I don't tend to write very well critically when my mind's frazzled. BUT, I did tell someone I'd pop a music entry out soon, so this is my half-hearted and certainly half-assed attempt. So, there you go. Half opinions and shit writing. Be merry.

"Miseria Cantare - The Beginning" by AFI

This introductory track to AFI's Sing the Sorrow is one of my favorite intro tracks of any album, primarily due to its atmosphere. It's got a steady build up, but doesn't blow it's wad too early. However, with any newer AFI material, if you're not the slightest bit interested in stuff the theatric (well...melodramatic)/epic dark fantasy air, you're not going to be into it.

AFI's biggest problem (for me) has always been their lyrics, especially those after the A Fire Inside EP. Not that they don't come out up with cool phrases or fun imagery, but, by and large, they're complete and utter nonsense half the time. Now the lyrics in "Miseria Cantare" aren't too bad. A little on the cliche goth side, but fun all the same. I mean, I know heartbreak can be a vile thing, but sometimes they can lay it on a little too thick to the point where it's just silly.

Still, though I sound a little hard on the band, the track is an excellent first track. Set the pace for the album nicely and if you're looking for a nice swift way to introducing someone to AFI, it's not a bad choice.

2. "Liberi Fatali" by Nobuo Uematsu
This is a orchestral (or "classical") music piece composed for the Playstation game, Final Fantasty VIII. For me, while I like instrumental tracks, there are very few that really stay with me. FF VIII has one of my favorite stories of any medium and additionally features some of the best music in the entire series, and perhaps video games period.

It's vibrant, epic, and alive. Uematsu created the perfect fantasy song that perfectly captures the scale of the game. The choir singing in Latin adds an ominous and vaguely creeping sense of doom to the song.

There isn't much to say (or perhaps it's just laziness) here other than this is an amazing little song and is evidence that wordless music can still deliver an impact.

3. "The Teen Wizards" by Tsar

Tsar's one of those power pop bands that has the distinct sound only bands from Los Angeles or bands trying desperately to act like they're from Los Angeles have. Most of the latter fail at this shamefully. This mixture of guitar crunched power pop with hints of glam and Cheap Trick-inspired rock blends together for some of the catchiest garage rock you're likely to find. And lucky for the band, they have a way about them that's pure fun. So they're catchy enough for the inevitable horde of girls to flock to them, but irresistibly fun and not douchey so that anyone else brought along with have a great time.

This particular song starts off with a just vocals and piano, giving the indication that a slow ballad may be in store for the listener. But then the drums kick in and the song bursts into this ridiculously infectious pop song.

Tsar's one of the most successful power pop bands out there (musically, not commercially) because they don't forget the nature of their sound. They're fun. Plain and simple. As the Midtown song goes "It's just rock n' roll" They come from an attitude that not everything has to have a deeper meaning and sometimes you just want to have solid rock music with a distinctly bouncier flavor.

4. "I Tried So Hard To Be Good" by The Paper Chase

You remember the last time a Paper Chase song was on the Weekly Wank? Well, the exactly same words apply. Read that bit, change the album title from Now You Are One of Us to Hide The Kitchen Knives, and you'll have what I'd write for this track.

Still a fucking amazing band.

5. "Walking Contradiction" by Green Day

Ah, Green Day. One of the very few bands whose impact makes me swoon like an 11 year old girl for her first crush. "Walking Contradiction" is one of my favorite tracks off Insomniac and just a personal favorite Green Day track of mine in general.

It's filled with amusing little, well, contrary statements and hypocrisies to this jaunted little melody. It's roughly two minutes and a half minutes long. It's concise, catchy, and doesn't overstay it's welcome with 400 repeats of the chorus. Just good, old fashion pop-punk. No bells or whistles.

Sure, I'm biased. Let's not forget this is one of my favorite bands of all time, but still. what would you rather have, a song that leaves you satisfied and wanting more? Or a song that bludgeons you to death with it's chorus so that you're sick of it before you finish your first spin of the record.

Of course, I could never get sick of Green Day.

This has been a slightly frazzled, effort at brining back the Weekly Wank. I may do a second part (!) this week to make up for lost time. We'll see if I've regained bits of my attention span by then. Hell, I may redo this entry too. Also still have to get unlazy and work on getting those mp3s functional as well. We'll see when and if I get that time.

Until next time...begone.

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Outside

Chuck Norris endorses GOP candidate Mike Huckabee, and searches on the candidate are up 457%.

The Westboro Baptist Church, the inbred hominids behind GodHatesFags and other such products only the lack of education and common sense could provide, have unleashed their own version of the classic song, "We Are The World," entitled "God Hate The World." Sure, this journey into stupidity will cause your brain to explode and wish to take a hacksaw to all of humanity, but hte last twenty seconds are simply pure evil. If you're unable to stomach this exercise of insanity all the way though, skip to the end.

A counterterrorism detective who says his failed drug test came because his wife had spiked his meatballs with marijuana has filed a lawsuit to get his job back.

"Frosty" the snowman has been swiped. The 42-foot-tall inflatable holiday decoration was taken from a tree farm. Officials at Dixon Farms say Frosty, worth about $10,000, was last seen Friday night. So far no arrests.

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Dave Stanworth's Snafu Comics is one of my favorite web comics. Though it features a number of additional webcomics by other artists, the main one (generally about pop culture but focusing in games) remains my favorite.

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Today, I feel like being filthy, so here's to breaking your brain. You can thank Warren Ellis for the assault.

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Apparently, these raisin biscuits are too extreme for girls.

Eat carefully.