A Rhapsody of Words: Oh! You Pretty Things.

Much time has passed since I last posted something other than my daily morning offerings.

I enjoy my new job at Barnes and Noble quite a bit. However, because they're wanting to me to work closely with the other lead, Hannah, in order to see if I'll fit for a full-time position (fingers crossed), I have been opening quite frequently. What this means is i have to pull my slumbering ass out of bed at the ungodly hour of 6 AM, a time when I would prefer to be going to bed.

Working at the office much less, which has made me feel much better, but my free time is still somewhat limited.

Currently listening to an audio interview with Trent Reznor in light of his recent instrumental album, Ghosts I-V. Trent Reznor is one of the few genuine innovative geniuses working today. And I, for one, cannot.fucking.stand. the way Radiohead has been given all this credit for something they a) did not, despite what every whore of a media journalist keeps claiming, do this first nor did they b) fucking do it right.

But I'll save my opinions about all that for a later time, when I have more (times that is, not opinions).

The fascinating interview with Reznor, who's not a "mysterious" about the whole thing as the ponces in Radiohead can be heard here. I'm not sure if it was due to timing or not, but the interview could have made better use of it. Either they were on a clock or he wasn't exactly prepared. Hmmm..now that it's finished, the mp3 doesn't seem to be the complete inteview, hence the brevity. Must search later.

About a month ago, I noted complacency with my romantic life being "as vacuous as ever." I feel like that period is definitely over. It's not like being single is this wretched, horrible thing. Not at all. I have a few wonderful friends with whom I love spending and sharing my time with. But I have no interests. No crushes. It's a bit harder to meet people these days and I just simply haven't. And i do feel the desire for that sort of connection with another person.

OK, so I lied about their being no interests. There is one, sort of. But it's odd. I do have feelings of sorts for someone, but it's one of those situations where I won't bring it up because I all but concretely know that she has no such similar feelings for me. I imagine she feels wehave a BFF/sibling like relationship and likely has no clue at all that I "like" (or whatever) her.

But you know what? That's fine. We're great friends. I love being around her and whenever I actually DO get to hang out with her, we have a blast, goof off, and generally have a maximal amount of fun. Why insert an awkwardness in that? Not that it'd ruin the friendship. There would be an awkward "we're just friends" conversation and eventually we would move on as if nothing happened. But why put myself in that situation if there's no need. It's worth noting that this is not general self consciousness at play. I know this girl and she has never once indicated that she's even remotely interested (in myself or anyone else for that matter) nor has she moved on from her past relationship (she may have now, but I know it still haunts her).

The fact is that I care a lot about her. And that's enough. People are under the assumption, whether through selfishness, pride, or the movies, that just because one person develops feelings for someone, that other person has an obligation to feel or to consider to feel the same way. And that's not the case. It's a gift to feel that way about someone and know that they're important to you. And if at all possible, you want to help make their life better. That's caring about someone.

That said, I would like to fall for someone, with the chance that feelings will be reciprocated. But these days, it seems to be asking a lot. Perhaps more on this later.

Also lied about my friends. Virtually all of my friends have been M.I.A. lately. No one answers their phone or calls back, with the rare exception of Bryant. A number of my friends are going through or went through break-ups, called me to talk with them, and then sort of forgot about me soon after. I'm a bit agitated with all of my friends right now with a few exceptions. Or as the great compilation that had Billie Joe Armstrong's (Green Day) acoustic version of "Life During Wartime" put it: bored, lonely, and a little pissed off. That sort of covers it.

My caffeine rush is wearing off and the screen blurs now and then to mock me. Sneaking power naps at work ftw.