Everything Zen, Everything Zen (I Don't Think So)

Hello, Internet. This one's a bit lengthy.

Over the past, say, 6 months, I've skipped across a spectrum of mind-states concerning things of the romantic/relationship nature. From apathy to pathetic pining to what I had recently attained and labeled as a zen-like state. I became completely alright with being single. Not so much a "woo hoo!" but rather a "this isn't exactly the end of the world and things will happen when they may." Because it's true. Despite what people will tell you, being single is not the most horrible fate in the world. There are times it's not the most preferable in light of the fact we're always looking for that person, but it's not agony.

And then I met this girl last weekend. Since minute one I've kept myself in check, reminding myself with a "we'll see" in an attempt to sway the typical mind numbing excitement that comes with meeting a new interest. You know the one I'm talking about. The kind that disables you to see the forest for the trees, opening yourself to be blindsided when things blow up in your face.

You see, that's virtually all I've known for nearly three years, which is how long it's been since Becca and I broke up. It's been one car crash after another. So, I reached the point of "Fuck this, I'm going to walk (or at the very least find another mode of transportation."

Enter the new girl.

I find things looking to go my way moreso than the have for a very long time. A fury of text messaging, seeing one another when our hectic, and oft times conflicting, schedules. But she was in an odd mood Wednesday night (well, very early Thurs morning), and since then, she's seem a bit more distant and the texting has been much less frequent. Now, clearly, she may have reached an extremely busy point as her schedule is something that Chinese Water Torturers thought excessive. But, despite my recent centered views on everything and my faux devil may care attitude, a familiar voice in the back of my head pops back up suggesting her interest in me has waned.

And that little fucker's persuasive too. Not only that, I have some odd little quirks when I begin seeing (or getting to know, or whatever) someone. I have a lot of mental reservations that keep my from fully committing to somethings and disable me from performing other. They're little mental landmines I seem to have developed over the years that I think are meant to be well meaning defense mechanisms to slow me down a tad so I don't get hurt (because I do that well enough on my own). The downside of this comes in the fact that someone like this girl, see them as either disinterest or them doing something wrong, which couldn't be further than the truth. The thing is, once I'm Myles 100%, things are great. No one tends to be willing to wait to figure that out though.

Let's not forget the girl in question. She's in an odd place right now. Meeting people to see if there's anyone she likes who likes her back. And I totally get where she's coming from. She had a long term relationship turn on her and broke her heart. She's rebuilding and re-evaluating things, and she has every right to. She is by no means the typical "antagonist" when someone complains about the opposite sex. The girl's been dealt a lot of awful hands and it's not at all her fault. She's actually a really fucking amazing person.

I just happen to find myself in the position of liking this girl and wanting a chance to try to make things a bit more better for her. Not to mention my awful luck in matters of the heart. So tell me something good.

I know I whine, but I really haven't relayed this to anyone except my confidant and virtual twin brother, Brandon. It's just a moment of weakness, really. I'm not trying to read too much into anything, but three years of falling flat on my face have taught me to be cautious, perhaps to a fault. So I'm trying to keep that in mind.

We'll see. I just don't want to be disappointed again.

On the subject of Brandon, after a dozen false starts and procrastination, I firmly believe this is the year we start making music.

It won't be the monumentous concept band we've been plotting for over a year. No, that's going to take a backburner for the time being. It's a good thing to. I want it to be awesome, and with our procrastination and me lack of skills at the moment, it just wouldn't mesh.

We want to make something we want to listen to. Stripped down pop-punk and rock music we love and grew up listening to. Nothing complicated. Just rock n' roll. I think it's best for a first project as it allows us to get out feet wet and develop a sound that we could use in something else.

I couldn't think of a better partner than Brandon to work with. We're very much in tune with one another and we're loyal like brothers. We keep each other in check and i know he'd have my back. He can play most instruments, so with recording in mind, we won't need other band members for the time being, which would give up time to hook up with another like minded person. I'd probably take vocal duties even though I'm not much of a singer, but that's okay. With 90's era pop-punk, and even now if you don't consider Fall Out Boy/New Found Glory and their sound alikes, you don't really have to be.

We just want to play music, have fun, and have a collaborative creative outlet. Not looking to smash bigs maybe become local faves, but nothing too fancy. If something wonderful stems from that, then all the better.

That's all for now. You may go. Thanks for listening, Internet.